I Fell Asleep, Again!

Prior to 5 years ago I had been on an amazing inner spiritual journey. One in which I came to realize that the outer physical space I occupied was one of my choosing and creation. During this journey which lasted many years, I read every book, watched documentaries, researched, attended seminars, meditated and attended a Native American sweat (which in and of itself was out of this world...literally). I truly lived every day with the knowledge and understanding that we create our own reality and that thoughts truly do become things.

When I took a full-time job 5 years ago I really tried to carry that knowledge with me into the workplace. For the first couple of years I was able to stay true to myself and everyone around me. I never proselytized my beliefs and only spoke of them when conversation with co-workers warranted. Working within a predominantly christian environment and sharing such ideas was often futile so little by little I began to retreat both outwardly and inwardly. By years three through five I had forgotten all about the amazing journey I had been on and settled into the hum-drum life of being a corporate, or in this case government slave. Not wanting to be mocked or laughed at anymore I spent day after day just going into the office and doing my work and leaving and then going to bed every night dreading having to do it all over again tomorrow. 

When I lost that job a few months ago I felt such an intense and immediate sense of relief. But, as days have turned into weeks and weeks to months, so to has that relief turned into worry, then fear, then dread that I am not "gainfully employed." But not for a lack of trying though.

Then tonight I was flipping through Netflix looking for something meaningful to watch and I found a documentary called "Wake Up," no it's not about American politics or anything like that. It is about a man named Jonas Elrod who wakes up one day and begins seeing things like balls of light, geometric shapes, angels, demons and spirits. Not wanting anything to do with it he begins a journey to find out "what is wrong with him." He visits psychiatrists, neurologists, doctors, shamans, Native Americans, Buddhists and so on looking for answers. It wasn't very long into the documentary that memories of my own spiritual journey began to come back and I remember how amazing I thought existence was prior to the last 5 years. 

As I sit here and type this I am reminded that this has happened to me several times throughout this life; the whole knowing and forgetting thing. Three times that I can remember for certain. My hope is that this time I don't forget. I don't know what any of this means right now. I know there are some things I am going to have to learn over or rather, remember again. But I am again optimistic that tomorrow will be a new day and I can get back on the path.

So, If you have made it this far, bless you. Why am I telling you all of this? Well, I don't really know. I am on, what I call autopilot right now. I guess if I am typing it then maybe someone else needed to hear it. Maybe someone else needs to remember.